Dear Affect3D fans and visitors, I would like to draw your attention to a shocking gender inequality issue that has troubled me for some time. This discriminatory activity is being practiced right now in every city and every country, showing no sign of abating any time soon. You might be a victim yourself or may know some of the victims. In fact you might even be responsible for furthering this persecution and inequality.
I’m talking of course about the discrimination against a man who uses sex toys and the stigma attached by those who know such men. But why is this stigma attached to this practice? And why should it exist in the first place?
The Flip-side Of The Coin
Arguably since the advent of even the most rudimentary advanced civilizations, women have had access to objects that have given them sexual pleasure without the need for a male companion. Be it the earliest fertility symbols carved by our stone age ancestors through the Victorian era of wooden strap-on accessories (which some of you may have seen in the BBC costume drama “Tipping the Velvet”) and into today’s world of hi-tech, high production value, vibrators and dildos coming in a dazzling array of shapes and sizes to suit any woman’s tastes and desires.
What About Guys?
By contrast, devices created to give men pleasure, are a relatively new phenomenon. And for the most part are still rather basic in design and are widely varying in terms of both quality and effectiveness. Unsurprisingly perhaps, it’s the Japanese who are making the biggest advances in male toy development, given their long history of technical innovation and interest in all things sexual their desire to improve these products shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone.
While the Japanese may be at the forefront of male toy advances, it’s American manufacturers who arguably dominate the market with the Fleshlight (which has almost become a generic term for male toys). Whilst being a technologically simple device, it has nonetheless gained a reputation as a trusted and reliable option, especially among those who may not want to expose their genitalia to anything with an electrical power supply!
The “Ugly” Truth
If you find yourself in a dentist’s or doctor’s surgery thumbing through the magazines, or at home while your wife or girlfriend is otherwise occupied, take a look through the pages of Vogue, Cosmopolitan or any widely published and respected woman’s magazine and sooner or later you will find an in depth article reviewing and rating the current generation of female sex toys. That’s right! Not in some seedy publication bought “under the counter” while wearing a hat and sunglasses. But a mainstream female magazine, containing open and frank discussion of sex toys, with no shame or subterfuge.
Redressing The Balance
Considering this aforementioned reality, why is there a stigma attached to men who own sex toys? Doesn’t it seem extraordinarily unfair, perhaps even hypocritical? I say hypocritical because sadly, although women are proud of all aspects of their sexuality (and rightly so), they do seem to be very quick to attach negative labels to men who express and explore their own sexuality.
And herein lies the key to overcoming this discrimination, or at least gaining an equal status. Simply put, if a man can be labelled as a “loser” or a “pervert” for doing the same thing that a woman is doing, then logically isn’t that woman also a “loser” and a “pervert”? Women have many reasons for using sex toys, all of them valid, justifiable and, more importantly, accepted by their fellow women. Any man can adopt, use and repeat each of these reasons in his own defense. It is very hard for any woman to argue against any accepted aspect of empowering female ideology as this essentially weakens her own position. As any martial artist will tell you, the most effective way to defeat someone is to use their own strength against them. Use this knowledge wisely young grasshopper!
What’s In It For Me?
Do you really need to ask that question? More sexual pleasure and satisfaction are the most obvious benefits. Perhaps the second would be not developing carpal tunnel syndrome or having arthritis by age 40! But there are more existential benefits, benefits which extend beyond yourself. We all love going out and chatting up women in bars and clubs, but wouldn’t you rather do this because you want to, instead of doing it because you have to? The more of us guys who lie to and mistreat women just to get a few fleeting moments of more sexual satisfaction than our right hand is capable of will do nothing for our already low reputation in the eyes of women. But the more of us who are out there seeking women for the right reasons can only be a good thing for relations between the sexes.
Okay, maybe male sex toys aren’t gonna save the world. But they won’t hurt it either.
Blair
August 18, 2014Really enjoyed this and partly inspired me to think about the subject more for myself, wrote a post about it 🙂 thanks! http://blairtalks.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/boys-and-their-toys.html
fredfred5150
August 19, 2014Thank you 🙂
miro
November 28, 2012Good article. I agree there’s a lot of stigma attached to everything porn/ sex related, sex toys being one of them. The point as always is to let people enjoy whatever they want in their own privacy as long as they don’t harm anyone else. Although some of the sex toys I’ve seen could cause potential self harm, lol. Anyway, that’s the bottom line 🙂
At least the privacy that the Internet brings, lets people explore and discuss these things more, which is a good thing!
KonohuTenga
November 24, 2012Nice article, good point. It has been bothering me some time too that men’s toys generally either cost one an arm and a leg, or one’s mood/pleasure due to abysmal quality or ridiculous design. Women’s toys are years ahead in development as well as design. Basically we all seem to have been sexists that way, good to see (feel!) the times are changing. In the end it always has been about choice, am I wrong?
fredfred5150
November 28, 2012I agree, the overall standard of female toys is much, much higher than male toys, buying (and enjoying) male toys is still very much a “hit and miss” experience
veronicaz
November 24, 2012Here’s a recipe for you
1 part University of Texas’ nanotube silent actuator muscle fibers that are 100,000 times stronger than human muscle fibers.
1 part realdoll.com
1 part chatbot ai
stir, bake, replace humanity
fredfred5150
November 24, 2012I dunno about that, sounds like your recipe could kill someone, but I agree theres a lot to be said for creating a sex robot, but personally I wouldnt want one for replacing human companionship
Brent
November 24, 2012What about us boys who own dildos :D!!
fredfred5150
November 24, 2012Nothing wrong with that if you enjoy it, its a sex toy just like any other 🙂
although personally the whole “prostate pleasure” is something I don’t like at all
geos_omega
November 24, 2012It’s just one of those weird things. Like Ogre said, it’s just like how homosexuality among women is more accepted because the opposite sex find it enticing.
Men see a woman masturbating with a dildo and think it’s sexy, but afaik most women don’t think that a man masturbating with a fleshlight is a turn on.
Maybe it goes back to the whole macho pride. A man using a fleshlight might be seen as a loser because it’s seen as him not being able to get a real partner so he has to use a toy.
fredfred5150
November 23, 2012Thanks for your comments, its good to know I’m not the only one out there!
Ogre
November 23, 2012Personally, I don’t see the judgement coming from women but other men. Guys are okay with dildos and vibrators the same way they are okay with homosexuality if it’s women, because “that’s hot.” But if two guys are homosexual, it’s disgusting. That seems to be the general trend with sex toys too. Most aren’t even brave enough to admit they have one, because other guys will judge them. (FYI I own a Fleshlight, and amusing my ex-girlfriend gave it to me)
I agree wholehearted that this is an issue, but I think you’re pointing the ire elsewhere. Women that own dildos and toys are the least likely to judge a man for owning one. The women that would judge you are likely the same ones that are sexually frustrated and view dildos as evil. (Most the hyper-religious)